And they don't want to get punished.Īnother twist for older kids - only 25% of a teen's lies are straight to your face lies - instead they are usually lies of omission. Younger kids usually lie because they want to make the caregiver happy - they want to tell you what they think you want to hear.įor adolescents - according to Oberlin College's Nancy Darling, most teens say they lie to parents because they don't want to damage the relationship - they don't want you to think less of them. But in matters of safety, or applying to college, they might really want your input and help. It's important to note that many teens feel that using an itouch is sorta a personal domain, which should be none of their parent's business, and it's psychologically emasculating to feel the hovering there. Parents who are encouraging their teen's autonomy (in certain spheres) are usually rewarded with more honesty in other spheres. The science says it's not just about having rules and enforcing them - you must do some of that, but in other domains of their life you must 1) trust them with responsibility, and 2) do everythign you can to make it clear you are encouraging them to take good risks, get out in the world, and attempt to be an adult. Sounds like the teen you speak of has developed a habit. Nothing like a parenting manual, the authors' work is an insightful exploration of themes and issues that transcend children's (and adults') lives.Thanks, re: reading our book twice! (ashley and I are equal partners in this).įrom your examples (itouch, earbuds, 1:30 am) it sounds like you're talking about a teen, and a teen has plenty of memory/working memory, and at that age it's not at all about cognitive ability (that's only relevant around age 2 to 4 yrs old). With impeccable storytelling and razor-sharp analysis, they demonstrate that many of modern society's strategies for nurturing children are in fact backfiring-because key twists in the science have been overlooked. They argue that when it comes to children, we've mistaken good intentions for good ideas.

In a world of modern, involved, caring parents, why are so many kids aggressive and cruel? Where is intelligence hidden in the brain, and why does that matter? Why do cross-racial friendships decrease in schools that are more integrated? If 98% of kids think lying is morally wrong, then why do 98% of kids lie? What's the single most important thing that helps infants learn language? NurtureShock is a groundbreaking collaboration between award-winning science journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.

NurtureShock by Po Bronson